I wish I could explain....

Timing...

Many have now found out that I am expecting again. For months I have tried to hide my growing "bump", but their is no more hiding...Just this past week I have had the questions.."I thought you could never get pregnant".. "Aren't you nervous after all you have been through".."Why would you put yourself through this again"... I never know how to respond to this...

What I can tell you is what I have learned and what I believe.

Timing.

After three fertility specialists, three of the same diagnosis, getting pregnant was not an option for Jim and I. My diagnosis was not the easy to fix, ovulation matters, or follicle growth. Our result was more serious, and the chances we were given were 1 in a million. We were told we had two options, donor or adoption. For a little while my sister Carla considered assisting us, but I think for all of us this may have been a little hard...In the end we chose adoption.
Before our decision, and even after we suffered many losses. I think I have become much more stronger from all of this, that or one day this will all surface for me. I hope I grew stronger and learned how to "deal" with the heartache, it actually became almost normal...Strange.

What I believe now is that fate is in the hands of God, and really it angers me that I was told "Never" and it saddens me that millions of other women will be told the same thing. There is no such thing as never, I am living proof..Our lives are in the hands of God, and when we are meant to have children we will, and if we are never meant to have children, we will not..This decision cannot come from Science, it only comes from faith, and believing that someone "higher" has your best interest in hand..Your prayers will be heard, when it is your TIME...

I cannot explain Emma, or this miracle in my belly...I can only thank God for giving me this opportunity..I no longer look back and search for the answers I so desperately tried to find...In the end, all of my prayers were answered.... it just took a few heartaches to get here...

I wish I could explain it better...for now, this will have to do in answer to all of those questions I have been asked...

Prayer, Faith and Timing...

I felt the baby!!

On Friday September 4th I thought I felt the first little movements of the baby...Ever since, I have felt the flutters of my baby often...There is nothing about pregnancy that can beat feeling the first movements of life inside you!

This is so real!!

So far so good...

Wow..At this point in my pregnancy with Emma I was already placed on bed rest. I am really enjoying this pregnancy...what a surprise!! We told the girls that there is a baby in Mommy's belly and now Emma and Livy give my belly kisses and tickles throughout the day!! So cute!! One of the big highlights of this pregnancy I am enjoying most is my clothing!! Again, with Emma I was mostly in sweatpants and sweatshirts. Shopping for my new wardrobe has been very exciting and I love wearing fitted shirts that show off my baby bump...

I have had no intuitions on the sex of this baby...but we have decided to find out the sex...Only a few more weeks until this is revealed..O-M-G!!

Cravings? None...

Eating!

That is right..finally I can eat!!

It was not to long ago where everything seemed to make me sick, even water...The last few days I have been enjoying my food...I never knew food tasted so good!! Crazy? No, I think I am just appreciating every bite of every food and actually loving it!!! It is a nice feeling as my pregnancy with Emma was so hard on me, and right now I am loving being pregnant!

I took a nice long walk with the girls yesterday and even made a stop at Starbucks and the park!! My belly is finally a "baby bump" and no longer looks as if I have just eaten to many cheeseburgers!! I am still in my pre-pregnancy pants, but my shirts, yeah-not so much!

So far so good..

This is nice...

First photo shoot

There is nothing better then seeing a normal, healthy ultrasound photo of your child. NOTHING. The above photos were taken last week, and it has taken me a few days to digest everything. This was the second ultrasound we have seen of "baby 3" but as you can tell,we can finally see the making of a baby, and oh my...what a relief!

These photos make me smile. They give me comfort, relief. I am beginning to feel this was meant to be, everything. It looks like my life story iis getting another chapter, and I am ready to begin the journey.

How exciting!

Second Trimester

Agh...I can Breathe...Finally.

I ended my first trimester with a very healthy and promising ultrasound last week.

I was so nervous entering into this that I was literally sick the entire morning. I actually contemplated cancelling and waiting a bit. However, we followed through and OMG! Immediately we witnessed a quite large baby dancing around in my belly..kicking and stretching his/her arms and playing peek a boo with us. The ultrasound tech, fully aware of my past printed several pictures of the "not so camera shy" baby for me to smile over..over and over...

I felt relief exiting my appointment that followed my ultrasound. So far, things are looking good. As excited as I am beginning to feel, I am trying not to get overly excited as my fear of what could happen is still lingering in the back of my head. However, I do find myself smiling a bit more these days....

My belly has begun to show the signs of an expecting mother...We have only told immediate family and a few close friendss at the moment, so hiding this pergnancy may not be an option in the coming days. I had to go and buy a few pieces of clothing to hold me over a bit, as my shirts are snug, and my pants? Yeah, those do not button anymore!

Baby steps..every day I tell myself one step at a time....

"Can you hear the heartbeat"???

So as I have blogged previously, I rented a heartbeat doppler. Olyvia caught me listening to the babies heartbeat the other night, and well....every night she asks me, "Mommy can we listen to the heartbeat"?? We have decided not to tell the girls about the baby just yet, so she just thinks we are listening to our own heartbeats...

I was able to capture a few of these moments on camera...

TOOO cute!!