Shocked! Surprised! Nervous! Scared!

February 14th, 2010.

The above date is an estimate of when I am due to give birth to our unborn child. I guess I have known for a few days. This is pregnancy #11, and well, I have come to know my body quite well. The news is shocking, and I cried. I cried and cried. I was scheduled to have gallbladder surgery next week and at my post-op appointment this afternoon, a "+" pregnancy test changed everything. Silence. I heard nothing after I heard "Positive"....

I guess I have mixed emotions right now. My fear is overwhelming. Every disappointment I had in the past is is rushing back instantly, and I am scared. I am really scared. I desperatley want to smile, scream out in joy, thank God for this blessing, but I am hesitant....I am so incredibly scared.

June 6th, 2007..the day that changed my life forever. We were able to see a picture of Olyvia for the very first time, it was also the morning we found out I was pregnant with Emsley...Now, June 11th, 2009...I am pregnant with their sibling with a birthdate so close to Emsley's...Yes, this baby is due the SAME day Emsley was due...Valentines Day!!!Fate? Oh..here I go again, looking for signs, hoping, wondering..all of those emotions that go with my roller coaster ride.

Baby steps..One tiny step at a time...I have to have faith that God will see me through this pregnancy, and watch over this precious baby... Prayer..I need lots of prayers...

Today will begin my memoir on "Expecting the Unexpected"....I will journal every ache and pain..I will whole heartedly express my fears, concerns, hopes and desires...I will journal every step this pregnancy takes me, and pray that in the end I can show off my final miracle baby....

Please Lord...